Life

Give Up?

Man I had the day from I don’t know what!  I had a big dip today.  I wanted to give up the blog, give up the slog, give up trying to work for myself, give up working as an expat in a foreign country.  It took just two annoying ‘workers’ to put the term loosely to nudge me a little off my centre.

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I came ‘home’ and fussed and fretted in my own mind’s eye.  I was ready to comfort eat ( well, I did a little!) and I was ready to sit and wallow in self-pity.  I breathed deeply, one, two, three, four, five…. can I carry on?  All the questions came flooding into my mind like I was going to war with myself.  Six, seven, eight, nine, ten. Release.  It is Monday evening.  I remained silent for about ten minutes.  I got out of my own way and listened, and listened, and listened.

My thoughts began to collect nicely like a quilt covering a cold body and bringing comfort and peace.  I re-read the current front page of my blog, and soaked back into my mind the fact that there were 3 days left of completing my ‘positivity’ challenge.  Ok!  Yes!  I read the quote of the day and a smile sprung to my face.  Yes! I’m going to write a post right here, right now! I’m not going to suppress how I feel, I’m going to tell myself the truth and let out that frustration.  The key for me is to use that frustration wisely.  Writing is my armour, sword, love handle, flag, my friend, my spokesperson, writing is my everything.  I implore each and every one of you who loves to write to self medicate with writing.  It is a powerful, enlightening gift which I see many of you reaching out with.  I am so relieved to be able to use this treasure, because it is a treasure that no-one can take away from you.

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I find that the doubts that creep in during the working day, are washed away when I write.  Eleven, twelve, thirteen.  My breathing is so steady now.  Headache gone.  Abdominal discomfort gone.  I’m totally focussed on this post and not the futile distractions of the ‘working’ world.  May I have the strength to keep on with my purpose.  May I keep positive and determined to fulfil my dreams.  Let not doubt and insecurities be fed by the ignorance, jealousies and plain evilness of others.  Let my armour of writing keep shining bright against my enemies, so that I can help others and myself.  The written word, how could I give up on it?  The written word, have you given up on it?  Keep writing through the good, bad, terrible and absolutely challenging days that come your way.  When you feel like you want to throw the laptop or computer out the window, take a breath and keep typing.  When the words are not coming from pen to paper because your mind is full of the frustrations of the day, take a deep breath and keep writing.  When the ideas are coming and others are cleverly trying to detract you from achieving your writing goal of the day or week, take a breath and keep going.

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I am so new to blogging that I look back at what I’ve written and I must take my own advice!  I look back at my writing and I am encouraged by what I have written.  Looking back at my blog will help me to move forward.  I don’t care about the stats – stat attack can come at me like a Star Trek war.  I have read so many posts lately that are serious and devoted in their content.  Serious people with serious concerns.  The petty concerns of the employment world is a screaming shame, not a crying shame a screaming shame!  The big picture (my breathing has reminded me) is that my writing comes first.  Gosh! That makes such a difference, it really does.  What I love is that I don’t care if it’s past my bedtime, this is not work for me but my passion. When I can get passion to be my work, this would be great.

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Big sigh ….. of contentment.  Everything in harmony right now.  I’m over the day and I’ve posted anyway! Hooray!